coradoe83's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- insipidness i just told my mom what happened and she dind't take it as bad as i had imagined she would. she asked " porque solo ati?" and i didn't know what to say. i mean its hard to not take it personal and htink that maybe its a hateful crime directed towards me only; because am gay but with the events that have happened twice now in matter of months. its just almost impossible. i mean tears are coming down my face right now because i really dont even want to think about it. its just a harsh reality to think about, specially if its true. you know it wasn't enough that i had to experience a discriminatroy action aken against me a while back that not only stole a sence of sibility and understanding for the better possibilities tht humans are able to, ut it stole and shreded a sence of security that until now it shakes my spirit, and who i am. i still think of him, and how the image of his fist coming down on me, and the many things i should have said , should have done, should have stopped myself from doing, its just too terrifying and it hurts. i just dont know what to do? i relaly dont? sometimes am driving and i see a car that may resemble his, i start thinking of what has happened, what i would do if it was him, and it makes me just want to look all around me incase anyone else is looking at me like he did. paranoya took over my life for months, and i think its still reigning in my life only not as intence. now tht i think about it and try to connect things in my life, i am starting to think taht the breakdown that i had in december was a result of this and the alienation of the whole incident. life has a harsh lesson at every corner, it makes me feel so empty and disgarded of the person i was. i hope that someday i will move on and feel life run through my veins. 7:48 pm - Friday, May. 14, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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